Wood Chipper Massacre

woodchippermassacre

Wood Chipper Massacre (1989)

When dad goes on a business trip, he leaves Aunt Tess (Patricia McBride) in charge of his three kids for the weekend. John (Jon McBride), the oldest, is doing some yard work and is using the woodchipper (heh heh heh) to take care of some dead branches. Denise (Denice Edeal), the middle kid, is more concerned with her crush on a boy than anything else. And Tom (Tom Casiello), the youngest, is eagerly awaiting his mail order survival knife.

Much to the three kids’ dismay, Aunt Tess turns out to be a total battleaxe. She tries to get the kids into shape by attacking how their father has raised them since their mother died. John and his siblings put up with her as best they can until Tom accidentally stabs Aunt Tess to death. The three decide to dispose of her body with the woodchipper. Everything is about to return back to normal when Aunt Tess’s deadbeat son, Kim (Kim Bailey) turns up looking for money to pay off his gambling debts.

I think every kid has accidentally stabbed an unpleasant relative to death and then shoved the body into a conveniently-placed woodchipper at least once in their lives. It’s a common “coming of age” moment that everyone can relate to. Well, maybe not but Woodchipper Massacre makes it all look so easy and so dang fun. Jon McBride (Cannibal Campout, Among Us) directs this very 80s shot-on-video horror film. The soundtrack is wildly silly, the gore effects are nearly nonexistent, the acting is strictly after school drama club (even the adults), and the budget is miniscule at best. However, Woodchipper Massacre has got a bizarre charm that is as hard to deny as it is to identify.

I can’t help but love the cast on this one. Denice Edeal and Tom Casiello both missed their calling on “You Can’t Do That On Television”. Edeal makes up for lack of experience on camera by shouting her lines and forcing her every facial expression to the breaking point. Awesome. Tom Casiello is the 80s Everykid (perhaps just a little more geeky) and is easily the one having the most fun on camera. Jon McBride plays eldest brother John pretty well but his mom, Patricia McBride, really steals the show. Aunt Tess is one of those unnerving characters that you just want to strangle the minute they open their mouths.

Woodchipper Massacre is quite entertaining with only a few missteps in the pacing. The film takes a little while to get going but the 80s vibe certainly saves it for me during these (thankfully) short stretches of awkwardness. While essentially free from gore and exploitation (other than the lurid title and bloody cover art), the film is actually funny and charming. The interaction of three “kids”, McBride, Edeal, and Casiello, helps add to the sitcom feel which actually makes the film an even stranger experience. I can’t get over the ballsiness of McBride and company to actually put a heartwarming and decidedly happy ending on this one.

“Call that little tramp and tell her to corrupt somebody else tonight!”

 

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