Reviews

Rojo Sangre

Rojo Sangre (2004)

Pablo Thenevet (Paul Naschy) is an aging actor down on his luck. After playing many classic characters on stage and on screen, he is now relegated to pitiful walk-on roles and sucking up to his scumbag agent. After making a deal with Reficul (Miguel Del Arco), owner of a decadent nightclub to make appearances dressed as the great murderers in history such as Jack the Ripper and Ivan the Terrible. Now back on his feet, Pablo turns to executing those that have offended him. Unfortunately, Pablo did not read the fine print of his contract and now he must pay for his recent successes with his soul.

Spanish horror icon Paul Naschy is excellent in this well-made though rather odd film. The editing is top notch, even inspiring and the camerawork is flawless. CGI effects are mostly well done with a few awkward moments but nothing too awful or embarrassing. While quickly paced, the ironic and comically cruel story has a strange (and only occasionally hokey) flow to it and the ending is very bizarre as well.

Naschy fans will be very pleased to see the great Jacinto Molina still in fine form this late in his career. The script (written by Naschy himself) gives the actor a chance to vent some rage at the state of the film industry. The opening conversation where Pablo explains to a fellow actor why he enjoys putting mice in a very special place is a riot. There is plenty of blood, gore, sex, and sadism to be found in this surprising little number from Spain.

The Queen of Black Magic

The Queen of Black Magic (1979)

A wedding party falls under a black magic curse. The bride has horrific visions and the entire ceremony is in shambles. The groom, Kohar, took Murni’s virginity and then spurned her for his new woman. Now he accuses her of casting the curse upon his fiancé. Kohar encourages the villagers to capture Murni, set her mother on fire, and then throw her off a cliff. She is rescued from death by a witch doctor who teaches her the arts of black magic. Murni uses her newfound abilities to get vengeance on Kohar and the people who tried to destroy her.

Obviously not big on women’s lib, Murni (played by the lovely Suzzanna) is first manipulated by the man she loves and then becomes a pawn of the evil sorcerer. Thankfully, Kohar, the unrepentant prick gets what he deserves. Permana, the holy man, comes preaching that prayer is the best defense against black magic and he’s right. The ignorance of the villagers and their refusal to pray will spell out their doom.

The Queen of Black Magic has excellent direction and pacing. The movie flies by as we are treated to one wild scene after another. Somebody please, buy me this soundtrack! The score for The Queen of Black Magic is some wild synthesizer action mixed with a killer string section and awesome percussion. It’s freakin’ great!

The gore effects are simple but gruesome with some wicked splatter moments. One evil bastard is killed when giant blood-filled boils appear on his body and burst all over the place. Another choice scene comes when someone rips his own head off. The head starts flying around and bites a strip of flesh off the leader of the village.

This was my first foray into Indonesian horror and it will not be the last. The story reminded me of a 70s Shaw Brothers gore flick but more conservative like an Indian horror film (just without the musical numbers). Other than the crazy gore and Murni’s wacky training montage, the most outlandish aspect of The Queen of Black Magic is a totally unnecessary melodramatic twist at the end that just makes the story a little more confusing and a little more strange. Overall, this is a fun flick that folks with a taste for international horror will go bonkers over. Highly recommended!

“All men are traitors!”

More Brains! A Return to the Living Dead

More Brains! A Return to the Living Dead (2011)

For personal reasons, Return of the Living Dead disturbs me greatly but I still love it. More Brains! A Return to the Living Dead is a documentary on the making of the classic and influential 1985 zombie punk rock splatterfest. The documentary is also therapeutic and a proven psychiatric tool for me because it helped me to first realize and then to conquer my fears of ROTLD.

This documentary is a charming, funny, and nostalgic look at the production with outrageous and sometimes painful stories from the cast and crew. The hilarious true story surrounding Linnea Quigley’s genital-obscuring latex plug (their term, not mine) alone is worth the price of admission. More Brains! also has a huge amount of production stills and home video taken on the set which really gives one the feel for what it was like to be a part of the making of the film.

If you love Return of the Living Dead, if you hate Return of the Living Dead, or if you’ve never even seen Return of the Living Dead, this documentary will still be fascinating for you. This is one of the most comprehensive documentaries on a film I’ve ever seen and I think the DVD is absolutely essential for fans of the film. My therapist says that More Brains! is responsible for all the progress I’ve made in the last few days and that he refuses to accept any more of my money. Now that is one powerful documentary.

Maneater of Hydra

Maneater of Hydra (1967)

A group of tourists travel to an island to see its exotic botanicals. There they meet Baron von Weser (Cameron Mitchell), a reclusive scientist studying rare horticulture and experimenting with crossbreeding dangerous varieties of plants. One of the Baron’s creations is draining the blood of human beings (through a small hole in their cheek) and the tourists are dying one by one.

Mel Welles, the genius behind the inexplicably amazing Lady Frankenstein wrote this junky little number. The lame and predictable dialogue is goofily dubbed and the storyline is totally generic monster movie pseudoscientific hokum. The worst scene in the movie features all the characters shouting about who or what is to blame for the recent killings. Most importantly however, Maneater of Hydra has a beautiful mansion, an exotic locale and a windstorm that never seems to let up.

Our cast of characters is headed up by total spazzoid Cameron Mitchell (a man who inspires great love and hatred in me) of Blood and Black Lace and Minnesota Clay. Cora Robertson (Czechoslovakian actress Kai Fischer) is a hot bag of cleavage in heat. The lovely and sweet Beth is played by Elisa Montés who would show up in Jess Franco’s 99 Women. The most irritating character is the shrill and terrible Myrtle Callihan who shrieks and complains about everything. Trust me on this one: she should have been the first to die.

While Maneater of Hydra (AKA Island of the Doomed) is strictly non-essential viewing (thanks mostly to some dull bits), it’s still a good time for a very boring Sunday afternoon (or a Saturday with a head cold (which is how I viewed it)). The way the creature sucks blood from people is pretty disgusting and the animated opening titles are just splendid. Plus, the climax is quite outrageous and very bloody.

“I’m sorry but you were about to touch my giant… gardenias.”

Mad Ron’s Prevues from Hell

Mad Ron’s Prevues from Hell (1987)

Two zombies walk into a movie theater- stop me if you’ve heard this one before. Hey gang, Mad Ron (Ron Roccia) is chained to the projector and is playing all of his favorite horror trailers! So sit back and enjoy the show. Our hosts Nick Pawlow and his zombie pal Happy Goldsplatt, are here with some ghastly jokes and ghoulish quips -uh oh- what’s that? It seems like those two zombies brought along their undead pals and things are getting out of control. Um, maybe you shouldn’t sit back too far, the ghouls in the back row aren’t content with their bloody popcorn anymore.

This movie makes me so angry! Where the hell was Mad Ron’s Prevues from Hell when I needed it the most? I was 11 years old when this hit VHS and I realize that missing out on it stunted my horror growth. This compilation of trailers with its cheesy hosts and gory goofiness plus my steady diet of junk food and thrash metal could have made me into a horror man instead of the horror boy that I am today.

The collection of trailers here are perfect for a sleazy good time. Selections like the standard Texas Chainsaw Massacre are here alongside the more obscure picks like (the “stomach shocker of your life”) The Ghastly Ones, The Diabolical Doctor Z, and Mad Doctor of Blood Island. Of course, Lady Frankenstein is here which is always good for a devious grin and oh man, the trailer for Love Me Deadly is a dang riot. Also, the trailer for the double feature, I Drink Your Blood/I Eat Your Skin, is here and it is simply perfect.

The only thing that got on my nerves are the inclusion of Man from Deep River featuring real animal violence and Africa – Blood and Guts which features real human and animal violence. I know a lot of horror folks don’t bat an eyelash at these things but I personally count them as a detraction from the entertainment value of Prevues from Hell. Who is a wet blanket? Me!

So if you like your trailers wet and sloppy, then check this out. The interruptions from the hosts are pretty amusing (in a kitschy eye-rolling, ironic knee-slapping kind of way) and they come bearing gifts: dozens of classic trailers, gory setpieces, and goofy zombie antics. Mad Ron’s Prevues from Hell is a perfect party favor when you have some fiends over with short attention spans and a lust for trash.

Lucifera: Demon Lover

Lucifera: Demon Lover (1972)

Helga (Rosalba Neri) and her friends are out sightseeing one day when they pass by a lovely castle in the countryside. Inside they find a creepy butler (John Benedy) who invites them to dinner. Suddenly, Helga doesn’t feel very well and she is encouraged to have a rest in one of the bedrooms. She falls asleep and is transported to another time. In this past life, Helga is about to marry a handsome man named Hans (Ferdinando Poggi) but she is afraid that her marriage is cursed after a mysterious hooded stranger sees her wedding dress.

Desperate to prevent bad things from befalling her marriage, Helga approaches an old crone who tells her of a good luck spell. Helga needs her two friends to carry out this sketchy magic and they agree to join her at the gallows. Once the spell is cast, her friends are taken away by a coven of witches/vampires. Thinking that she has it made, Helga prepares for her big day but then a mysterious stranger named Gunther (Edmund Purdom) shows up and presents her with a new proposition. He offers her limitless pleasure and all she has to do is sacrifice Hans on her wedding night. Will Helga be tempted by the DEVILish man?

By the early 1970s, the Italian gothics had lost their edge. The budgets got smaller, the gore (yay!) and the sex (meh.) got more explicit, and things just seemed to be winding down for the subgenre. I don’t want to sound like I’m complaining. Obviously, I wish that more directors slumming in this crap had made some cheap gialli instead. And yet there are some magnificent films from this era (such as The Devil’s Wedding Night and Blood Castle) but they are usually campy and more than a little rough around the edges. Paolo Lombardo’s 1972 film, Lucifera: Demon Lover, is a particularly clunky example of compensating for a lack of suspense and scares by throwing in more skin.

The title card promises the audience a film in the tradition of the Grand Guignol. Well, this mishmash of Satanic horror, vampirism, sex, torture, and low cut gowns is definitely entertaining once it gets going (after the friggin’ half hour mark). The cinematography by Antonio Modica is a little drab for my tastes but he gets the job done. I really dig the musical score by Elvio Monti. He gets points for keeping things nice and tacky. The plot is a little gamy with its reliance on adding too many characters and trashy sex scenes (not that I was all that surprised).

I love Rosalba Neri (Amuck!) and she is definitely the best thing about this movie (despite some busty competition from some of her co-stars). I really love how her character Helga is willing to sacrifice her friends because she thinks it will protect her. Nice job spoiling your innocence, you dumb stupid idiot. Of course, I would be a fool not to mention the awesome Edmund Purdom (of Rosso Sangue) who makes his Gunther AKA Satan character into a real charmer. There are some other kind of cool actors involved here but none of them get to do much acting. Plus, there’s just too much going to keep track of everybody. How many sped up sword-fights can one man handle? The answer is none but this film has more than that.

While picking on the logic of a film with a setup as thin as Lucifera: Demon Lover is a little too easy, I have to call this one out on a few doozies. First up is one actress complaining about how dark it’s getting outside and how she and her friends should hurry home. Lady, it ain’t even dusk! It continues to look like 2 in the afternoon for the next few scenes and boy is it distracting. The other mistake that I cannot overlook is the cellophane window. There is a scene where someone is standing in a doorway and the windowpanes of the door are covered in cellophane stapled to the frame. I did not realize they had that stuff back in medieval Italy.

What can I say? I hate to be a jerk to Lucifera: Demon Lover but this is one mediocre flick. As usual, I’m trying not to let my love for Italian trash override my ability to judge this sexed up and only slightly bloody junk objectively. If you can’t get enough of Rosalba Neri (and seriously who the hell can?), then check this one out. You’ll be better off with something more fun (and more lucid) like her classic performance in Lady Frankenstein. All the thunderstorms, candelabras, graveyards, and see through negligees can’t save this one but you could definitely find worse ways to waste 80 minutes. Oh and what the hell was with that last line? Paolo Lombardo (who also wrote this ass-terpiece) had no idea how to gracefully end his film and so we get Edmund Purdom spouting some gibberish and smirking at the camera before the “FINE” pops up.

“My wedding dress. It was contaminated.”

House of Voices

House of Voices (2004)

A young woman named Anna (Virginie Ledoyen) begins her work as a cleaning lady at Saint Ange orphanage. She meets the strict headmistress Miss Frachard (Catriona MacColl) who informs her that the place is being shut down due to the death of one of the children. Anna is to clean the place before the new owners arrive. As strange, inexplicable things begin to happen, Anna begins to realize that something is very wrong at Saint Ange.

Surprisingly, this ethereal horror film comes from Pascal Laugier, the writer and director of the violent and harrowing Martyrs (2008). Effectively chilling and beautiful, Saint Ange requires some patience due to a thin storyline and trite dialogue. Characters are thinly written but the odd acting style makes up for it. It’s nice to see veteran Euro-horror queen Catriona MacColl giving a good (though slightly stiff) performance. The ending of this film is some cold, overly brightly lit craziness!

The trailer for House of Voices (AKA Saint Ange) caught my eye but it wasn’t until after reading the bad reviews and the scathing user comments on IMDB that I was convinced that I had to seek this one out. This film’s emphasis on a somber mood and lush gothic imagery at the expense of a cohesive plot doom it to this kind of reaction and will severely limit its appeal. However, fans of atmospheric French horror in the vein of Jean Rollin (like yours truly) will be richly rewarded by giving this little gem a chance.

The Frankenstein Syndrome

The Frankenstein Syndrome (2010)

Elizabeth Barnes (played by Tiffany Shepis) is quite the young upstart in the field of stem-cell research. She takes a job working in a secret laboratory for the infamous Dr. Walton (Ed Lauter). Walton is trying to develop a serum that will cure every known disease, perhaps even cure death itself, and he has gathered a crew of brilliant physicians together to make this happen.

The reason for all the secrecy is that his group of scientists is illegally obtaining their materials from homeless women willing to sacrifice their bodies for science. Elizabeth immediately takes flack from Dr. Victoria Travelle (Patti Tindall), the team’s leader, who sees her as a threat to her position. After David Doyle (Scott Anthony Leet), the head of security, is killed, they use his body to test the serum and resurrect him but the results of this experiment are less than ideal.

This film delves into the sub-genres of medical horror and mad science and comes out all nasty; coughing up black bile, spraying blood, and flinging chunks of bodies and stuff. The Frankenstein Syndrome has a cool look and boasts some nice camerawork and lighting. It’s hard not to come away from this film feeling cold and slightly depressed. This is not the feel-good splatter flick of the year!

The cast is where The Frankenstein Syndrome really succeeds. One of the horror genre’s sexiest go-to gals, Tiffany Shepis, is excellent in her role (she also gets a producing credit on this film) that is complex and fascinating. The incredibly prolific and always dependable Ed Lauter has a good, smallish part and Louis Mandylor is perfect as the cold and calculating, Marcus, one of Dr. Walton’s lackeys. I really enjoyed Patti Tindall’s ice queen act that only melts when things get really fucked up and it just makes her character even more disturbing. Scott Anthony Leet completely caught me off guard and puts in an extremely dynamic performance.

While The Frankenstein Syndrome isn’t breaking any new ground, the film is full of some cool, if heavy-handed, ideas. I won’t spoil any of those ideas here because they are part of what makes this film unique from your average straight-to-video horror flick and might be possibly spoilerish. Let’s just say there is some immoral and profoundly dark shit going on and leave it at that. Director Tretta and crew make the most of their modest budget and great cast to pull off something horrifying, smart, gory, and quite bleak. If you happen to stumble across this indie horror film or go seek it out, you won’t be disappointed.

Ouija Room (2019)

Ouija Room AKA Haunting Inside (2019)

After the death of their parents, aspiring novelist Sammy (John Bradley Hambrick) takes care of his autistic sister Sylvia (Joni Durian). Sylvia has severe agoraphobia and a host of other issues, so her brother brings her board games to help her stay calm and focused. Unfortunately, a Ouija Board (dun dun dun!) is mixed in among the stack of games and supernatural hijinks ensue.

Sylvia is visited by three spirits, though none of which are Christmas-related. They teach her how to cook and how to play some new games. But it isn’t long before these games take a dark turn causing Sylvia and Sammy’s happy life together to unravel. Are the spirits trying to help Sammy or do they have ulterior motives? I won’t tell!

Ouija Room is a very impressive indie horror film but that’s not too surprising since director Henrique Cuoto has been making films since the mid-2000s. The script by Daniel Wilder is funny, creepy, and heartfelt. I dig the ominous score by composer Ray Mattis which contributes to the overall atmosphere of tension and dread that begins to build almost immediately. The film also has excellent pacing and energy to spare on its side.

The cast is committed to their roles and turn in consistent performances. Joni Durian is excellent as Sylvia. She really carries the movie and deftly portrays a sympathetic character without being schmaltzy. Hambrick is also very good as Sammy, a dude who loves his sister but is barely holding it together. Dear reader, keeping a bottle of mystery booze and a frickin’ Glock within arm’s reach of your bed are kinda ill-advised even at the best of times. Just sayin’.

Get the DVD.

 “Spirits, do you like chalk?”

The Devil Within Her (1975)

Ex-stripper Lucy Carlesi (played by Joan Collins) has just given birth to a healthy baby boy named Nicholas. The newborn has incredible strength and is prone to violence causing Lucy to believe the child is possessed, possibly by Satan himself. Of course, no one (including her husband, Gino (Ralph Bates)) believes her but what they don’t know is that Hercules, a dwarf (George Claydon) from her strip club days, placed a curse on Lucy’s firstborn child because she wouldn’t return his affections. Despite his best efforts, Dr. Finch (Donald Pleasence) cannot determine what is causing the child to exhibit such horrible behavior. As mysterious “accidents” continue to happen to those taking care of Nicholas, Lucy’s sister-in-law, Sister Albana (Eileen Atkins), believes that the child’s problems are more than just scientific.

Peter Sasdy, director of Hammer entries such as Taste the Blood of Dracula and Hands Of the Ripper, brings this transcendentally trashy Joan Collins vehicle to the screen. Even though The Devil Within Her is a tasteless The Exorcist and Rosemary’s Baby-inspired romp, the talent behind the cinematography, lighting, and editing are all competent. Veteran film and TV composer, Ron Grainer (The Omega Man), provides the excellently surf/prog/pop score that seems to have been written for an entirely different movie. So that leaves us with plot. Oh doctor! The plot is unbelievably insipid as evidenced by the gratuitous sex scene between Bates and Collins (character development!). The life-draining script crashes and burns so often that even the actors actually look stunned reciting it.

It really shows the dedication of the cast to put up with all this crap. The faith vs. science debate between Dr. Finch and Sister Albana is quite inspired considering the horrible dialogue. As usual, Donald Pleasence can deliver anything with unshakable sincerity. Even Eileen Atkins (Equus, Cold Comfort Farm) is able to lend her incredible talent to this drivel. I recommend putting this entire scene on mute and imagining something inspiring.

It’s hard to get around Ralph Bates’ (Lust for a Vampire) awkward pseudo-Italian accent to tell if he’s actually giving a good performance here. I wanted to see more of Caroline Munro (Maniac) as Lucy’s stripper buddy, Mandy, but there wasn’t much for her character to do. John Steiner (Tenebre, Shock) is also present as the vile Tommy, Lucy’s ex-lover whose bloody nose at the baby’s hands is well deserved.

And then there’s Joan Collins. First of all, one doesn’t merely watch a Joan Collins film, one experiences it! The Devil Within Her is Collins’ last foray into the horror genre and what a shame (that’s not sarcasm)! Her awe inspiring ultra-melodramatics are quite comical during the narration of Lucy’s flashbacks and her expressions of terror steamroll across the screen.

And finally, the most misused and abused actor in the film (besides the uncredited baby playing Nicholas) is George Claydon as Hercules. The exploitative nature of his role is propelled into the stratosphere when (through painful jump-cuts) Hercules takes the place of Nicholas in the crib wearing baby clothes. Other than being an evil little person there’s absolutely nothing to his character at all. And when Hercules cops a feel on Lucy, how does she react? With revulsion!

The Devil Within Her (AKA I Don’t Want to Be Born or even better It’s Growing Inside Her) is an extremely derivative and unintentionally hilarious anti-masterpiece. The sleaze factor is quite high in this movie. There’s attack-baby violence, dejected strippers, and a lecherous curse-spewing dwarf all for your entertainment. I highly recommend this beastly and warped little film but only because of its mega-campy merits. The Devil Within Her is quality entertainment and is painful fun tailor made for anyone with twisted ideas of what constitutes a good time in front of the TV. I love every minute of it.

“I’ve got to find someone like Gino before I bump and grind myself to death.”