After ditching the big Halloween dance, a group of high school students head out to a remote house by an old grapefruit grove. The guys try scaring the girls with an old story about Adam, a man driven insane by jealousy that chained his wife to the floor and killed anyone who looked at her with a custom made grapefruit picker. It turns out the story is true and Adam starts killing the kids off one by one.

Every time I watch a really awful slasher movie, I just want to give up on the whole overdone subgenre and get on with my life. And then I watch another one. That is where I’m at with The Caretaker. This somewhat comedic slasher flick has all the stock characters (the jock, the nerd, the virgin, etc.) and all the clichés (fake boobs (I call them 'stunt boobs'), fart jokes, red herrings, etc.) but almost no sense of pacing. Even though it is barely over 80 minutes, this flick gets pretty boring. The digital photography and lighting (when the film isn’t too dark) are well done so the film is at least pretty to look at.

Once again, Jennifer Tilly (Seed of Chucky, Tideland) lights up the screen whenever and wherever she pops up. Her character is overly simple yet confusing. How does that work exactly? Tilly takes her character of Miss Perry, a shamelessly opportunistic vamp of a high school teacher (and a poorly written one at that), and turns her into a cartoonish freakazoid. She’s an over-the-top bag of gratuitous cleavage and zero class. Sadly, Tilly is only in about 10 minutes of the movie; better than Judd Nelson’s glorified cameo (as one of the teenager’s dad) for sure but you know I wanted more.

I enjoyed The Caretaker way more than I’d like to admit. Even with the boring scenes, unlikeable characters, dismal jokes and the recycled dialog (there is actually one of those ‘if we’re gonna get out of this alive, we have to stick together’ speeches), I still got into it. The gore and special effects are kept annoyingly low for the budget’s sake and the required nudity (not from Tilly) is over before you know it. There was just enough eye candy and inexplicably hilarious camp to keep me from throwing in the towel on The Caretaker. I was amused but I don’t know why. Do not trust me. I have really low standards.

Quotes

"He turned a fruit picker into a weapon of mass destruction."

DVD Stuff

This review is based on a screener for The Caretaker. The film is presented in anamorphic widescreen and the stereo sound is quite nice and clear. Details are sharp on the print which is good because this film (shot on digital video) is so dark in places. Included on the disc is the film’s trailer which makes The Caretaker look way, way better than it actually is.