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Mustang Sally’s Horror House
Directed By Iren Koster
Released: 2006
Starring: Elizabeth Daily, Mark Parrish, Lindsey Labrum, and Erik Fellows
Running Time: 85 minutes
DVD Released By MTI Video
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A group of six stupid college jackasses drive out to
the middle of nowhere to patronize Mustang Sally’s, a cathouse with a
reputation for fine ladies that will make men’s wildest dreams come true.
What these schmucks don’t realize is that Mustang Sally (played by
Elizabeth Daily) has handpicked her “escort entertainers” with one
specific purpose in mind: revenge. Instead of a fun time with some hoes,
the boys are treated to a miasma of torture and death.
85 minutes? Mustang Sally’s Horror
House feels like it’s at least three
weeks long. If you can even make it to the half hour mark, you might as
well keep on keepin’ on until the end of this piece of cinematic
driftwood. The horrid stock music, editing and continuity errors, and
total lack of set design (fabric draped over everything), do battle with
the surprisingly workmanlike cinematography and beautiful outdoor scenery.
And then there’s the script. All of the dialogue for Josh (played by Mark
Parrish) and his friends sounds like what teenage girls think college guys
talk about. There are so many candy ass moments of clumsy foreshadowing, I
start getting antsy for the lovely ladies to hurry up and bring the hot,
sweet death that they keep hinting at. However, when the killings finally
start, they are so pitifully staged, that they don’t make up for much.
Elizabeth Daily AKA E.G. Daily has got some serious street cred. From
One Dark Night
to Streets Of Fire
to The Devil’s Rejects,
Miss Daily has been there and done that. Hell, she even sings the Mustang
Sally theme song. The shot of her sitting with and lording over her
brothel girls is grand. Daily really is the only reason to watch this
atrocity.
Okay, fine, there is an entire gaggle of goofballs in this one. The whores
(“escort entertainers”) have some funny names and are even funnier
(insulting?) stereotypes. There’s Lickilick, Tushalean. Titianna, and
Caressa, just to name a few. The two standouts in the hooker category are
Persuasion (played by Tina McDowelle), the black dominatrix and castrator,
and Tushalean (played by Alycen Malone), the redneck scrapper who will
bash your dang head in with a rock if you give her half a chance.
I’m sure the people responsible for Mustang Sally’s Horror House will
claim irony but this one is just too dull and too lousy to be anything but
the product of lackluster filmmaking. The passionless and teasing sex
scenes and the logic-less plot are just the icing on this butt-cake. Did I
mention how gay this film is? The evidence: Josh and his friends can’t
keep their hands off each other and when he and his boy-toys are cruising
down the street in his Cadillac I challenge you not to sing “Love Shack”
at the screen. It’s as big as a whale!
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DVD Stuff:
This review is based on a screener with no available
extras. The film looks gorgeous in its anamorphic widescreen presentation.
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Quotes:
Josh: “Man, you’re so whacked!”
Mustang Sally: “My girls are not whores! They’re escort entertainers.”
Sherriff Lloyd: “Son of a moose!”
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Links:
For more info, check out
MTI Home Video.
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