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The Church
Directed By Michele Soavi
Released: 1989
Starring: Hugh Quarshie, Tomas Arana, Feodor Chaliapin Jr., and Barbara
Cupisti
Running Time: 102 minutes
DVD Released By Anchor Bay Entertainment
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Sometime in the 12th century, a group of Teutonic
knights slaughtered a group of Pagans thinking them to plagued by a
Satanic curse. A church was built on top of the site of the massacre. 800
years later, Evan the librarian (played by Tomas Arana) uncovers an
ancient document that details a horrifying incident which inspired the
design of the church. The closer Evan gets to uncovering the truth, the
more bizarre and horrifying events begin to take place. When blood is shed
inside the church, an automatic locking system traps everyone inside.
Father Gus (Hugh Quarshie) tries to do his best to find the secret of the
church’s architect in order to destroy the demonic plague before it
spreads outside the church and destroys the world.
Michele Soavi (Stagefright)
directs The Church
AKA La Chiesa,
an exercise in unholy atmosphere and gory entertainments. Visually, this
film is nearly perfect: the razor-sharp cinematography, moody lighting,
and must-be-seen-to-be-believed setpieces all come together in a dizzying
explosion of hot and goopy damnation. The soundtrack provided by Keith
Emerson, Philip Glass, Fabio Pignatelli, and Goblin is fantastic without a
trace of any inappropriate heavy metal or silly pop.
Where the film goes wrong is in the writing. There are 8 or so writing
credits (some credited, some not) heaped on
The Church and you can really
tell. This is one confusing film with many, many unanswered questions. The
best unintentionally hilarious moment comes when Barbara Cupisti’s
character calls the police from her (seemingly remote) cabin and their
response time is around 30 seconds. Those viewers who need to understand
what they’re watching will want to avoid this film. Oh, and the English
dubbing. Holy crow, there are some awful voices and performances in this
one.
TV and film actor, Hugh Quarshie, is excellent as Father Gus but where’s
the dang character development? It’s pretty obvious that he’s the hero of
the story once Evan the librarian goes south but the film could have
easily devoted some time to giving some background to what drives Father
Gus. Put Tomas Arana (Body Puzzle)
on the list of actors that I don’t trust. Seriously, this guy is really
creepy and I really hope he gets some more starring roles in horror films.
The Church sports quite a familiar faces from the Italian horror world.
With an unforgettably menacing visage, Feodor Chaliapin Jr. (Dario
Argento’s Inferno)
is great as the creepy bishop. The queen of the overbites, Barbara Cupisti
(Stagefright),
plays Lisa, a young woman working at restoring the church’s frescos. The
lovely and criminally underused actress Antonella Vitale gets all messed
up in her role as “Bridal Model”. Be sure to keep your eyes peeled for
even more Italian horror awesomeness: John Richardson of
Fear,
Giovanni Radice of House On The Edge Of
The Park, and of course, Asia Argento
of The Stendhal Syndrome
and Trauma.
The Church
is a visually stunning film with a seriously battered and neglected
script. The plot trails off several times and the WTF? factor is quite
high throughout the running time. Thanks to Dario Argento’s producer
credit, this film is quite lavish when compared to much of the late 80s
Italian horror output. (Note: Supposedly, Dario Argento imposed some cuts to the film against Soavi's wishes which might explain much of the film's confusing narrative.) Also, you’ll have a tough time trying to find a
film with as much blasphemy, perversion, and gore as
The Church.
The extremely talented Soavi went on to do even more amazing films such as
The Sect
and Cemetery Man
before spending time directing made-for-TV action and drama films. We
should all collectively pray that he returns to horror very soon.
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Quotes
“C’mon, have a biscuit! They’re groovy!”
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