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Creepozoids
Directed By David DeCoteau
Released: 1987
Starring: Linnea Quigley, Richard L. Hawkins, Kim McKamy, and Ken Abraham
Running Time: 72 minutes
In 1998 (the future), a group of AWOL soldiers, lead by Jake (Richard L.
Hawkins), decide to avoid WWIII as well as the deadly acid rain and hide
out in an abandoned building about 400 miles from New L.A. They soon
discover their hideout is some kind of genetic laboratory where the
scientists have been killed and a horrifying monster is on the loose. Now
the soldiers must organize their limited resources and fight for their
lives.
Frankly, I’m disappointed with you, Mr. DeCoteau. I thought that the works
that lead up to classics such as
Sorority Babes In The Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama
and Murder Weapon
would be far more fantastically entertaining. With
Creepozoids, I
found that the minimal sets, a cast of six (six!), drab costumes, and
ponderous dialogue leave me wanting so much more. Could someone please
tell Guy Moon that the keys on his synthesizer are stuck together
throughout most of the soundtrack? Yikes. But wait, there’s still some
monster poop in the ventilation shaft. Let’s do this.
In the future, there will be nerds such as Jesse (played Michael Aranda)
who are masters of those complex DOS programs so important to the
scientists of tomorrow. Spoiler alert(?): Jesse dies because he eats. Kim
McKamy (Dreamaniac,
Evil Laugh)
keeps her clothes on as the voice of reason (and most likely to become a
zombie), Kate. The sexual tension between her and fearless leader Jake
could be cut with a knife or a laser blast. Oh, Jake if only you had a
better team behind you or this could have turned out better for everyone.
What am I saying? Bianca in the house!
Linnea Quigley (Night Of The Demons)
plays Bianca, a free spirit (shower sex scene) and tough little cookie
whose taste in men is questionable. Take some advice from me: Butch (Ken
Abraham) ain’t goin’ nowhere, honey. I can only watch with a song in my
heart as Bianca battles giant mutated lab mice like there’s no tomorrow.
And who can help but be under whelmed by the fight choreography during the
Bianca/Zombie Kate beat down?
Not surprisingly, Creepozoids
doesn’t really end so much as stop. It just seems like they like ran out
of movie. Once Jake (whose neck is very important to the plot) busts out
the glowing green mystery serum to destroy the monster, it’s pretty much
over for me. Oh wait, the monster just had a baby! Forget it, I’m already
done. Lacking the naiveté and silly charm of other DeCoteau flicks of the
late 80s, Creepozoids
is an inept but watchable near miss. The fact that it borrows from
Alien,
The Evil Dead,
Re-Animator,
and others isn’t really the problem. But what is? The answers certainly
don’t lie in the cryptic DOS diary. Eh, needs more Quigley. But then again
so does every movie.
Quotes:
Bianca: “If this is poison, give me more!”
Butch: “Hey c’mon, more than three shakes and you’re whackin’ it.”
More
Screenshots Here
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