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Murder Weapon
Directed By David DeCoteau (as Ellen Cabot)
Released: 1989
Starring: Linnea Quigley, Karen Russell, Stephen Steward, and Michael
Jacobs Jr.
Running Time: 81 minutes
Amy (Karen Russell), the daughter of an infamous mobster, has recently
been released from a mental institution and her best friend (and former
institution buddy), Dawn (played by Linnea Quigley), is throwing her a
party to celebrate. Many of the guests are Amy’s and Dawn’s ex-boyfriends
including Amy’s metalhead man, Eric (Michael Jacobs Jr.) and hothead Eric
(Stephen Steward). Unfortunately, there’s more than hanky panky and
alcohol-induced shenanigans going on at this party, as a killer begins to
prey on the male guests dispatching them in brutal ways.
Okay, before we get started… I first heard about
Murder Weapon in
John McCarty's Official Splatter Movie Guide Vol. II and just had to get
it. Well, I just wanted you all to know that I sought this one out.
When the tape finally arrived from eBay, I took it out of the packaging
and my eyes widened. The tape jumped and buzzed to life and then my mind
was blown for all the wrong reasons. Send your condolences to my poor wife
who sat through this one with me.
Poor David DeCoteau! I can’t imagine using an alias (Ellen Cabot?) after
achievements such as
Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama
and Nightmare Sisters.
Stagnant camera shots, lifeless music (is someone just sitting on the
synthesizer?), interminable scenes, craptacular dialogue, and
underwhelming sets, truly challenge the viewer to fight their way through
this triumphant failure of a masterpiece. Surprisingly, the gore effects
are quite elaborate and splattery for no reason at all other than J.R.
Bookwalter (The Dead Next Door)
was on the makeup crew. Dudes are killed in various ways: a sledgehammer
to the skull, a wine bottle to the throat, a bullet to the back of the
head, and a fist punched through the back (ripping out duder’s heart).
An ensemble cast of horrible dudes makes our dynamic duo of Linnea Quigley
and Karen Russell even more appealing. Billy (Richard Sebastian) sports a
really sweet Moosehead Beer shirt until he meets his fate with a
sledgehammer in the basement. And what woman wouldn’t want Cary (Allen
First) to shave their legs for them in one of the most terrifying scenes
ever committed to film? Of course, Murder
Weapon would be lost without Kevin (the
cool one) and Eric (the metal god), our heroes. Did I mention that Lyle
Waggoner is in this one? I wasn’t keeping it a secret!
The case I make is that Murder Weapon
is a chick flick. Evidence? First of all, you have Amy and Dawn, two
chicks doin’ their own thang in the face of insurmountable male
oppression, a handful of “hunky” 80s dudes, and Lyle Waggoner! Okay, maybe
not but this movie is sweetly painful fun with brief glimpses of the
serendipitously inept. Highlights include the wet gore scenes, outlandish
dialogue, and the plethora of contrived nude scenes courtesy of Quigley
and Russell. What this film lacks in a cohesive plot and decent locations,
it makes up for in confusing half-attempts at surrealism. A must see for
Linnea Quigley fans who should be praying for this one to make a DVD
debut.
Quotes:
Jeff: “Baby, I can’t make love to you in your car. I have too much respect
for you. Why don’t you just give me a blowjob instead?”
----
Amy: “That makes my tits shrink just thinking about it.”
More
screenshots here
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