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Destruction Kings
Directed By Chris Seaver
Released: 2006
Starring: Chris Seaver, Casey Bowker, Ariauna Albright, and Jason McCall
Running Time: 71 minutes
DVD Released By Tempe DVD
Dracula, The Wolfman, and Funkenstein team up to take over the world by
creating an army of sexy lady vampires (and some dudes too). It’s up to
Mr. Bonejack and Teen Ape of the PIA (Paranormal Investigation Agency) to
stop them. But they’re going to need help and the new PIA recruit, Brandy
Kaufman, and a gang of teenage monster slayers are all Bonejack and Teen
Ape have got. The battle quickly escalates when it’s discovered that
Brandy wears an amulet around her neck that may make Dracula unstoppable.
Chris Seaver and company, the sickos behind
Carnage For
The Destroyer and Mulva:
Zombie Ass Kicker! are back with more
offensive fun in Destruction Kings.
The found sets and the cheap makeup effects instantly betray this film’s
indie origins but a group of dedicated actors and a nutty script save this
one from being another stale horror flick. Portly strippers with limitless
cleavage, cheesy monster-destroying gadgets, inept paranormal
investigators, and vampire vagina are just a few of the things that keep
this flick far away from the run-of-the-mill independent production.
The director himself plays Mr. Bonejack, a cross between Don King and John
Witherspoon who calls upon the spirit (?) of Bill Cosby when he’s in
peril. Teen Ape returns once again to mack on all the ladies and help save
the world with as little effort as possible. Brad Austin plays Dracula
whose monologues and one-liners never manage to impress his foes (or his
comrades). Of course, the show is stolen by Funkenstein (Jason McCall) a
creature that is probably what would happen if Victor Frankenstein had
used Biz Markie as spare parts to create his monster.
Travis Indovina plays Eddie the wolfman with some serious intestinal and
facial hair related issues. Sexy scream queen Ariauna Albright (Polymorph,
Witchouse) plays
Brandy Kaufman, the badass PIA rookie with some serious skills at
defeating vampires and keeping Teen Ape at bay. In a nod to
Monster Squad,
there is a trio of wannabe monster fighters consisting of the wildly cute
and hilarious Noel Williams, the not cute but hilarious A.J. Stabone, and
the equally hilarious and numchucking and also not cute Shawn Green.
Sorry, dudes.
Well, I can’t list every great character and awesome actor in this flick
without writing a novel so I’ll wrap things up. Low Budget Productions
continues to please with their unwillingness to make a serious film and
their constant need to make viewers shake their heads while bemusedly
saying: “That’s just wrong.” Looking for cheap fun from a crew with a
knack for filthy and funny dialogue while parodying horror movie nerd
culture at a mile a minute? Then, my friend,
Destruction Kings
is for you.
DVD Specs:
Destruction Kings
looks and sounds great on this disc. There are a couple of dark scenes
which are probably due to the source material but otherwise, the
presentation is all good. The extras are quite nice with an audio
commentary by Chris Seaver and Casey Bowker, a photo montage, an outtakes
reel, and a couple Splatter Rampage DVD trailers. A great feature on the
disc is “Debbie Rochon: 25 Years With LBP (Low Budget Productions)” which
features movie clips, members of the cast talking about working with the
scream queen, and it also features words from Rochon herself. Good stuff.
Links:
Tempe DVD
Low Budget Pictures
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