Axe
Directed By Ron Wolotzky
Released: 2006
Starring: Jason London, Darlena Tejeiro, Andrea Bogart, and Tim Sitarz
Running Time: 92 minutes
DVD Studio: MTI Home Video

Ivan “The Axe Man” (Tim Sitarz) has escaped from prison and is chopping his way through the desert. Meanwhile, rock-climbers, Raven (Darlena Tejeiro) and Ashley (Andrea Bogart), run afoul of a drug-dealing dirt bike gang and manage to escape thanks to the help of bar-owner, Robert (Jason London). After realizing they have mistakenly stolen a large amount of money from the drug dealers, Raven and Ashley hide out at the Fairweather Inn. Their seemingly safe haven is quickly invaded by marauding bikers and Ivan, who wants to get payback from those who landed him in jail.

I hope this isn’t director Ron Wolotzky’s dream project. Axe is a putrid garbage mound rotting away with dull car chases, stupefying dialogue, and dry humping piled at the top. The plot of the film is logic free and goes in unneeded (and definitely unwanted) circles without ever really connecting with its own halfhearted attempts at a whirlwind storyline. Apparently, the filmmakers had access to a number of dirt bikes and ATV vehicles so a 40 mph chase scene with gratuitous wheelies is justified, right? A halfway decent shootout erupts at the Fairweather Inn but gets very silly when the film proves that when out of ammunition, one need only to trade guns in order to reload.

Performances live up to the Wal-Mart quality of the script without exception. Jason London (The Rage: Carrie 2) leaves almost no impression that he was even in the film at all. Darlena Tejeiro and Andrea Bogart make for a promising pair in light of the “don’t trust anyone, especially men” plotline although their car never does go over a cliff like it should. He has a cool name but Tim Sitarz makes for a terrible axe murderer. Ivan “The Axe Man” isn’t frightening in the least and his Terminator act gets old very quickly.

So yeah, no (non-porn) film truly needs nudity to tell a story but man, what a tease! Sure, the booby watchers will be salivating over the blatant back-exposing shower scene, clothed fornication, and Darlena Tejeiro’s abundant cleavage but alas, no delivery. The same can be said of the gore in the film. While there are many axe attacks and a severed limb here and there, this is by no means a gore film. For those viewers brave enough to continue the Axe experience despite the dirt biker gang chase scene, you’ll see something very rare: a daytime ATV slasher that’s fun if your life is completely devoid of any other kind of entertainment. The “friends 4 ever!” super brainless expected double twist ending hybrid is insulting but how else could this incredibly lame mess come to an end?