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Bonesetter Returns
Directed By Brett Kelly
Released: 2005
Starring: Brett Kelly, Mark Courneyea, Thea Nikolic, and Jody Haucke
Running Time: 73 minutes
DVD Released By Tempe DVD
The Bonesetter (played Jody Haucke), an undead child-murdering spirit, is
back to wreak havoc on the two men who sent him away. Kyle (Brett Kelly)
and Jackman (Mark Courneyea) must once again get set to battle the
Bonesetter. Unfortunately for Jackman, the battle might already be lost as
he seems to be losing his mind. It’s up to Kyle and company to battle The
Bonesetter and save Jackman and all of the kidnapped children.
Well, I think that’s what this one was about.
Bonesetter Returns
feels like a slasher film made for couples by the Lifetime channel. The
melodrama is nauseating and there are some lame attempts at atmosphere
with some ghostly children. The camerawork is shaky and uninspired (hard
to imagine why). Oh yeah, and they show the moon a whole bunch.
Unintentional humor is off the scale as Kyle makes love to his wife and it
looks like they’re both wearing black leotards. Oh yeah, let’s make some
clothed love. The kid actors in the movie are completely out of sorts and
may as well be furniture from the prop department. Speaking of the prop
department, there’s this one little gun in the film that’s smaller than
the palms of the actors’ hands. The clips from the original
Bonesetter
are pathetic in that they look neither better nor worse than the sequel
which leads me to believe that the talent behind these films has already
peaked.
I can’t recommend the pulseless and nearly bloodless
Bonesetter Returns.
I watched it and now I feel hurt and ashamed. I almost feel like this film
was intentionally meant to harm me. Why, Brett, why? Okay, that's not
really fair but I really think someone is just doing indie horror movies
until they can break into the Canadian soaps. Oh yeah, I wasn’t going to
mention it but Debbie Rochon is in this one for about two minutes or so.
Poor thing must be slumming.
Final Curtain
Directed By Brett Kelly
Released 2005
Starring: Mark Courneyea, Sherry Thurig, Robyn Griggs, and Brett Kelly
Running Time: 60 minutes
DVD Released By Tempe DVD
Director Sanford Ash (played by Mark Courneyea) is determined to direct
the “undirectable” play called “A Mirth In The Family”. The playwright
committed suicide after completing it and the play has apparently been
cursed ever since. Ash hires a group of actors to work through the night
to rehearse so that they can get the play together on time. Then, a
murderer strikes and the actors soon discover that they are locked in the
theater. They must fight off the killer while finding a way out.
This Canadian turd was also directed by Brett Kelly (who plays the
swashbuckling ex-caretaker pirate, Lawrence). The dialogue in this film is
painful to listen to and the actors are boring. The film feels endless and
it’s just over an hour long. Even the mystery of the plot is horrid and
when the characters’ accusations start flying, I couldn’t have cared less.
I’m not looking forward to the next Dudez Productions’ film because this
one was as fun as alphabetizing the contents of a garbage bag full of
roadkill.
DVD Specs:
This double disc features two horrible films but there are some extras if
you’re interested. Both
Bonesetter Returns and
Final Curtain
have commentary tracks.
Bonesetter Returns has a still gallery and
Final Curtain has a featurette. There are also some Splatter
Rampage DVD Trailers.
For more information, head on over to
Tempe DVD and
Brettkelly.net.
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