Warning: Due to the graphic nature of this review, spoilers have been provided.

You know those movies which, if they could figure out a plausible ending, would make a decent, if not quite wonderful, horror film? This is one of those. It’s got a good premise, an OK cast, and decent special effects. It does not, however, have a cohesive plot. The beginning is fine, but, about half way through the story, I think the writer gave up and told the director, "Just kill everyone."

Igor and the Lunatics begins with a chase scene. Poor Sara is being chased through a lumber yard by three sleazy looking cultists who don’t want her to leave their family. Not that you can blame Sara. They look like rejects from a Jeff Foxworthy show. But they are quick, and they manage not only to capture poor Sara, but to also tear open her blouse so the camera can get a good shot of her boobs (she does have a nice rack.) before they tie her to a log and run her through the mill. It reminded me of Dudley Do-right somehow (not the boobs, the log-death thing).

After this we see the main good guy, Tom "No-lips" Turner (played by Joseph Eero), looking in the mirror and then checking his gun, I mean, his revolver. He then places a large red book on the nightstand for his newest conquest, Mary Ann, to read before leaving the room. Miraculously, she wakes up immediately upon his leaving and begins to read what her lover has left.

Next we see retarded footage of the hippies that I would have fast forwarded through if it hadn’t been for the voiceover. Tom explains how he has to go after Paul (T.J. Glenn from Prime Evil) and the lunatics that follow him, alone. After the voiceover is done, we get to see Tom telling his wife, Sharon, he’s leaving the cult. She doesn’t seem too unhappy, and tells him to have a good time. If you hadn’t got the message before then, like during the first part of the voiceover, Paul comes along as Tom is leaving and heads for Tom’s wife. The next scene shows the end of their free love when Paul tells Sharon, "Let this mark the end of our time together." Sharon, disbelieving, asks him what he’s saying. He furthers his insult by telling her, "From now on, you’ll sleep with everyone" (I think David Koresh got his ideas on how to be a messiah from this guy).

The next day Sharon meets Tom in a bar in the town. A couple of the hippies run home to tell Paul, and Paul heads to town with some of his goons in a pickup. He slaps Sharon around and makes a minimal attempt to persuade Tom to accompany them. Tom runs, but they manage to drag Sharon back to the compound.

Next we see a rerun of Sara’s death. This time, there’s a little more detail, but I swear they only put it in there to extend the length of the movie. However, this time we also get to see Igor (Joe Niola), chained to a tree and yelling, "Not Sara!" before smashing the chain into the dirt with a rock. Igor, who seems to be a cross between Bobcat Goldthwait and Curly, manages to break free (I’m not quite sure how, when there was nothing to crush the chain against) and runs to the lumber yard just in time to see Sara sawn in half. It was actually a good death scene.

I think sawing a woman in half qualifies as a crime in this backwater town, because someone runs into the sheriff’s office saying that they finally have something to arrest those communist hippies for. As if shooting heroin, smoking pot, and smacking a woman around aren’t enough. So, off the good ole boys go to round up the hippies.

When they get there, Paul is conducting a strange sermon where his parishioners are using heroin, and he’s blaming Satan for Abraham not killing Isaac. He assures his followers that he would not have listened to Satan telling him not to kill Isaac. Wow, I guess Sara really didn’t stand a chance.

The cops break up the party, and all the hippies are arrested. I fast forwarded through this part. (It made it look like Benny Hill.) Sharon ends up dumping a load of laundry in front of a shed before picking up a stick to defend herself from one of the posse. She whacks him on the head, but still manages to get arrested. Some guy picks up the load of laundry. The load of laundry is supposed to be the kid she gave birth to earlier in the movie, but it just looks like a bunch of white sheets.

I think this is when the writer threw in the towel.

Paul gets released in September of 1983. I guess whatever prison he was in gives you a three piece suit and a leather attaché case whenever you get released, too. In any case, Igor and Bernard, the ever loving acolytes, are there to greet him upon his release. They drive off in a van toward their old town, and on the way they pick up a hitchhiker. Thus begins the most hilarious scene in the movie.

Picture this: Bernard is driving, Paul is in the passenger seat, and Igor is sitting on the floor behind Paul. The hitchhiker thanks them for picking her up. Igor, the ever congenial host, says, "Want some chicken? It’s fried." Paul must not have gotten too much fried chicken in prison, since we then see his hand reach behind his seat and flap at Igor. Igor takes one more bite before giving the same piece of chicken to Paul. The camera turns to show a very puzzled hitchhiker before turning back to Paul. Paul turns and smiles at the hitchhiker. I think he was going for creepy, maybe psychotic, or possibly even sexy, but it just turns out ridiculous.

OK, the next parts I fast forwarded through. I couldn’t stand watching it after the two guys sitting on a park bench offer Mary Ann a beer and a joint before noticing her "nice ass". Keep going through the hitchhiker’s murder by Igor. And the pictures he takes of the mutilated corpse. And then the dumping of the body. Keep fast forwarding through Mary Ann’s sojourn through the woods toward the abandoned shack where the hippies used to live, and having a drink at the bar, and the dream of Igor.

Finally, the next scene shows Sharon strutting her tired old stuff for some uninterested johns. (No, Sharon, he does not want a date.) Tom asks her about 'the child', but Sharon babbles the usual stuff about it being great to see him and how she’ll call him, before she runs off. She ends up going home to watch a video where Tom is facing a court that seems to be a cross between the House of Un-American Activities and the Iran Contra Affair.

Tom is sitting in his hotel room, dictating into a tape recorder, when he gets a call that a package has arrived from him. It’s a tape of Paul killing Sharon. (What are the odds that he’d just happen to have a tape recorder?) While Tom is listening to the tape, we get to see Paul breaking through a door and Sharon screaming before Paul cuts her throat. It was a decent wound too. OK, the flesh tones didn’t match, but the blood spurted very nicely.

The next part is just retarded. Tom’s son breaks into Mary Ann’s apartment, and manages to injure himself while trying to get away. He tells her about his guardian, Hawk, who doesn’t seem to have a phone. Instead of loading the boy into the car and driving him home, she drives out to where Hawk lives and tells him what happened to the boy. Hawk must have something against cars, because he chooses to walk back into town instead of accepting a ride. He picks up the boy, who’s about 16, and carries him home in his arms. It makes no sense.

The next scene is another cop out from the writer. We see Mary Ann’s friend sitting in the middle of town 'painting' a picture. They actually have the nerve to show the picture, which resembles something a four year old would take home to his mother. The friend is smart enough to recognize she has no talent, but Mary Ann convinces her to find inspiration in the local cornfield. You might as well just tape a sign to Mary Ann’s friend saying "kill me". Sure enough, Paul, Bernard and Igor find the budding artiste in the cornfield and kill her. As if to say sorry, the director puts the friend down for a bloody machete death, which was kind of nice. But it all gets ruined when they stick a kid in the cornfield to be killed too. It’s like they needed a bigger body count and wanted someone who wouldn’t demand a speaking role.

Mary Ann sees what has happened from a distance and runs to tell the sheriff what has happened. The sheriff doesn’t believe her. She runs into Tom who, incredibly, knows exactly what she’s talking about, and who is responsible. At this point, I was irritated enough to fast forward through the next few scenes. They were composed of a woman talking on the phone and two guys in trench coats who find the kid in the cornfield’s dead body.

Mary Ann and Tom end up back at her apartment where, for some odd reason, Hawk and Tom’s son are too. Hawk tells them that Paul burnt down his cabin. Tom and Hawk go after Paul while Tom’s son (who doesn’t get a name, even in the credits) and Mary Ann stay in her apartment. Igor shows up and gets beaned by Mary Ann with a flower pot.

Tom confronts Paul and explains about human gestation and how the boy can’t be Paul’s son. Once the conversation is over, Bernard jumps through the doorway and grabs Tom’s gun. He gives it to Paul while Tom runs. Mary Ann has shown up and manages to shoot Paul. By this time I was bored so I just fast forwarded through most of the rest of the movie. Basically Paul dies, the boy dies, and Hawk dies. It doesn’t show what happened to Bernard. Igor escapes. Tom and Mary Ann go back to her place to get jiggy with it, but don’t make it past the next morning when Igor manages to break in and kill them both. It ends with the cornfield kid’s mother crying in a Japanese restaurant with Igor as the cook.

This is an irritating film. It’s not bad enough to rip to shreds but it’s definitely not good. The title doesn’t match the plot, other than to be named after one of the secondary characters. The ending and the beginning only match in that it contains the same characters. Characters are included in the story for no reason other than to kill them. Scenes are included that have no point to them at all. It has a few good scenes, but on the whole it sucks. Don't avoid Igor And The Lunatics but instead go forth knowing now what you do know now.