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Doomed Fulci-Thon: 18 Movies, 2 Days, 1 Director by Richard Of DM ----------------------------------------------------------
The decision to watch a ton of Lucio Fulci movies
came to me last winter when I was sharing The House By The Cemetery
and The Beyond with some uninitiated friends. The idea
morphed into a kind of endurance challenge as I decided to document the
event. At first, I wanted to watch every Fulci film available but then I
started knocking titles off the list as they were either unavailable or
didn’t fit the mood of the marathon. His films that I hate (Demonia),
or bore me to tears (Manhattan Baby), or are just too heavy
(Four Of The Apocalypse) were omitted. However, they were
put on a list for the triumphant return of Fulci-Thon (next year?) where I
will include films he co-directed (Zombi 3) and films that
stray far from the realm of horror (White Fang). Doomed Fulci-Thon Day 1 12:10pm
01. Conquest (1983) – Blue Underground DVD Ah, my first Fulci. Not just for the Moviethon but also the first from my childhood. I remember my mom renting this for me without having a clue what it was. The scene where Andrea Occhipinti (as Ilias) gets boils all over his body from the poison darts FREAKED ME OUT as a kid. This one gets a 7 on the Goopy Meter for some truly nasty moments such as skulls cracked open, a woman ripped in half, and other atrocities. Conquest is a kind of Clash Of The Titans and Conan The Barbarian mash-up with fake birds, zombies, flying dog-men, and a wicked soundtrack by Claudio Simonetti. Fulci really went for a soft focus siesta with this great dozing movie. My wife said, “This movie has ended my Sunday and it’s only Friday.” I’m digging how we start with Andrea Occhipinti here and will end with him today in New York Ripper. Let’s move on.
After a quick snack of vegetables in French onion dip, it’s on to the next film... 2:00pm
02. A Lizard In Woman’s Skin (1971) – Shriek Show DVD You can’t mess with a picture featuring Anita Strindberg AND Florinda Balkan. A true Giallo classic that features our first bat attack of the day as well as the first appearance of ridiculously bright crime scene lights (pushed to the extreme in Murder Rock). The Goopy Meter gets a 4 for only two scenes in the uncut version of the film: one features some intestine spillage and the other sporting some fancy disemboweled dogs (fake!). The oft-maligned Shriek Show DVD is a real pain in the ass forcing me to switch to the widescreen Schizoid cut (censored version) once the gore scenes have passed. A perfect Ennio Morricone score is conducted by Bruno Nicolai for this one. This is an awesome film with a strangely brief wrap-up.
3:50pm
03. Murder Rock: Dancing Death (1984) – Shriek Show DVD Oh man, this film is a tough one to love but I do. What hell hath Flashdance and Fame brought upon us? Olga Karlatos (Zombie) gets to keep her eye in a nearly gore-free 80s Giallo. The crunchy wet sound as victims’ hearts are pierced with a hatpin earns only a 1 on the Goopy Meter. There are lots of familiar faces in this one: Ray Lovelock, Cosimo Cinieri (Manhattan Baby), Christian Borromeo (Tenebre) and even little Silvia Collatina of House By The Cemetery. Hell, there’s even our first Fulci Cameo of the day. Murder Rock is definitely better after repeat viewings as the sweet dream sequence, bright and rhythmic lighting schemes, and fine camerawork rescue this bizarre and thoroughly cheesy film. Dig that soundtrack! Might be good for the Fulci Dance Party. Haay!
A delicious early dinner (sort of an Italian gumbo with tomato sauce, spinach, sausage, chicken, and rice) prepared by the wife during the last half of Murder Rock! I said delicious! Now on to Contraband... 5:20pm
04. Contraband (1980) - Blue Underground DVD No woman can resist The Luca. Fabio Testi in a sweet fur coat should be enough but wait! There’s more! Contraband just happens to be one of the goriest and most brutal Italian crime films I’ve ever seen. This gets a 7 on the Goopy Meter for a pile of the nasty stuff including (but certainly not limited to) a throat getting shot out and a woman getting half of her face melted off with a Bunsen burner. This also features an extremely disturbing rape scene that is very difficult to sit through. I doubt that Fulci was very comfortable with this genre because the film seems a bit shaky but it pays off with gory action and superb camerawork. However, he took the time to strap on a machine gun for a badass Fulci Cameo. If you can make it through the lame speedboat chase scene in the beginning of the film, you’ll be richly rewarded.
Cigar break! I hit the patio for a Sancho Panza cigar (not our sponsor) and some Publix Mountain Splash (also not our sponsor). Reading material: Fulci interview in Fangoria #29 1983. Good times but dang it, I can't get distracted by awesome distractions. There’s more movies to watch… 7:55pm
05. The Black Cat (1981) – Anchor Bay DVD Mimsy Farmer is in the house, y’all! This is definitely a Fulci classic with gorgeous cinematography and a superb score by Pino Donaggio. The Black Cat only gets a 2 on the Goopy Meter but makes up for the lack of gore with plenty of atmosphere and a healthy dose of Patrick Magee’s friggin’ eyebrows. Another bat attack (the wife found this one very amusing) makes up for the lack of a Fulci Cameo (apparently filmed but never made the final cut). Frequent Fulci victim Daniella Doria and the voluptuous Dagmar Lassander add some hottie-ness to the flick. But who could want anything more than Mimsy Farmer? Seriously. I love The Black Cat and am currently kicking myself for not watching it more often. Highly recommended.
9:30pm
06. House Of Clocks (1989) – Shriek Show DVD The biggest surprise of the day! My hopes for this TV movie were not very high but I found myself instantly intrigued after the first few minutes. Some fine and bloody effects give this one a 6 on the Goopy Meter. A cool setting and a dose of dark humor definitely put House Of Clocks at the top of the later Fulci works. Al Cliver (The Beyond) is great as Peter, the caretaker with the ruined and constantly weeping eye. Sadly, a missed opportunity for some eye violence and a shot of J&B. Oh well, we’ll get to that later.
Fulci Dance Party, y'all! You can see me strut my stuff here, here, and here to “Are The Streets To Blame” from Murder Rock. Special guest dance partner: Sparkles. It feels good to stretch out but it’s time for yet another film. LET’S DO THIS! 11:05pm
“Puppis! Puppis! Puppis! Puppis!” 07. The Senator Likes Women (1972) – Dagored DVD Anita Strindberg again? Yes but only briefly. Gee, I never imagined I’d be watching a Fulci sex comedy yet here I am. Fulci was really after the church in ’72 as this contains some blasphemous stuff here. Lando Buzzanca is hilarious as Senator Gianni Puppis, a gentleman who just can’t keep his hands off of women’s behinds even though some of those women are nuns. The humor ranges from corny sight gags to an irreverent dream sequence yet the film takes a severely dark turn by the end. Hmm… This movie feels awfully short at 75 minutes. That’s because it’s supposed to be 108 minutes! Great, not only is the Dagored DVD a crappy looking transfer but it’s also missing half an hour of the movie. Oh well, this is some pretty obscure stuff. I suppose I’m lucky to have seen it at all. This desperately needs a decent DVD release. By the way, here's the film's complete title: The Senator Likes Women... Despite Appearances and Provided the Nation Doesn't Know.
12:25am
“The killer is here with us! I know it!” 08. Don’t Torture A Duckling (1972) – Anchor Bay DVD Part 1 of the Fulci Ducky Double Bill. Wow. This is Fulci in top form. Don’t Torture A Duckling is a brilliant Giallo that gets better every time I watch it. Fulci attacks the hypocrisy of the church (again today) and the ignorance of the masses with one hell of a twisted film. There are vast amounts of perversion and icky weirdness to be found here. The cast is freakin’ awesome: Tomas Milian, Marc Porcel (Seven Notes In Black), Barbara Bouchet, and Florinda Balkan (again today!). A chain whipping, some exposed brains, and a person’s face exploding against a cliffside give this film a 3 on the Goopy Meter. There are multiple J&B bottle sightings as Milian and Bouchet drink the stuff down in a scene. Good, I’ll have some too.
J&B Shots:
Uh oh, I’m really starting to wear down now. I must press on with some well made trash in the form of New York Ripper. Yo, Fulci, bring it. 2:15am
09. New York Ripper (1982) – Anchor Bay DVD
Part 2 of the Fulci Ducky Double Bill. Just so you
know, the killer talks like Donald Duck. As if this film didn’t have
enough problems as it is (naughty game of footsy (ugh)). And what the fuck
is that grin for, Dr. Paul Davis? Oddly enough I’m ending Day 1 with Paolo
Marco and I’ll be ending Day 2 with him in The House By The Cemetery.
Sweet! Anyway, the Goopy Meter hits 8 for this sleaze-fest thanks to some
genital mutilation, eye violence, nipple-slicing, a slashed throat, a
gunshot to the face, etc. I couldn’t think of a better way to end Day 1.
Thanks and goodnight. Oh and Andrea Occhipinti, I’m calling you out!
Doomed Fulci-Thon Day 1: Concluding Remarks
Well, holy shit, I found that the 9th movie of the
day is the hardest to sit through, regardless of how good it might be. I
have no idea how I managed to keep my sanity through all that nastiness.
Or did I? Another thing I learned: the fact that the killer in New
York Ripper talks like a duck has become less and less ridiculous
to me over the years. It’s just another part of the plot. Is this a bad
thing? I am so dang psyched for Day 2. |
